JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
