Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
