OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
