I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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