what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
