Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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