What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
