In the future we'll all be gay
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
