You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
