not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
