Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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