I feel great
I just peed on a car
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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