the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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