I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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