Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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