i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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