I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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