so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
