last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
