Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
