so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
