Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
