When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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