im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
