so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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