I'm lost and stupid without you.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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