At least make sure they are 18
Why
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
