listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
