I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
