so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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