Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
