There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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