guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
