We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
