i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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