there's paper in my vomit.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
