I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
