I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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