So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
