WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
