I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
