i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
