I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
