Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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