So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
