ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
