Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
