Kiss
Puke
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This house was built for laser tag.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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