The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Never let your siblings swipe right.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
