after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
