Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
