btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
