is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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