glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
