She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
